The Story of an Agnostic

August 12, 2007 at 9:03 pm (Religion)

I live in southern Alabama. I don’t think there’s anywhere more Christian in the United States. Anyway, I wanted to tell you all about my experiences.

I felt that I needed to go ahead and let everyone that doesn’t know know, I’m an agnostic. I have grown up around the bible belt here, so when I let people know this, I got tons of shocked looks and comments abound. So, for everyone that reads this, here’s my story. I wrote this a month or two after everything happened, but I never posted it here. So anyway, enjoy!

I first decided that I was agnostic (although I’m really close to atheist, but I’ll explain that later) when I was in College Prep Biology. Everyone was doing busy work, and I was talking to my friends as usual. Then the topic was brought up that Jordan doesn’t believe in the moon landing, and thinks it was faked. Everyone in class of course thought this was a riot. They laughed at that for a minute and then I commented that I didn’t believe in God. You can guess how well that went over. The whole class didn’t hear me at first, but it traveled like lightning through the room. Within 30 seconds the whole class knew. The laughing stopped fast. Everyone kinda stared at me as Mrs. Bedsole tried to figure out what was going on. She just told everyone to be quiet and continued with grading or whatever she was doing. Meanwhile, nobody really got quiet, as the whole room was shocked at the fact that someone could NOT believe in God. No-one else there was agnostic. Of course, this is the bible belt, and most of these people had never even heard of being agnostic. Most people here just live in their strange “Go to church to gossip and praise God, then go home or go to school and have sex and curse, because I go to church, and that makes me a Christian”. Keep in mind of course that not near all the people here are like that, just most of them. Some people keep clean lives, and pray every night, and act as a “Good Christian”. Anyway, the point I’m trying to get to is that everyone here has lived in this somewhat sheltered life where all they know is God and church, and know nothing of people that don’t believe.

If I haven’t gotten the point across yet, from that day on, for the next few weeks, and even for the rest of the semester I had religious discussions with my teachers and friends in class. So much so that numerous times we spent an entire hour and a half arguing over religious facts, and never really got to the classwork. All I had to do if I didn’t want to do work was say God a few times, loud enough that someone in the class said it, and it spread till we argued about it. I really didn’t use this to get out of work though, because it’s me against the class when we argue over religion, so it turns out as more work than the classwork we are assigned.

I thought it had cooled down after a month or so, but then I happened to carry a copy of “The DaVinci Code” into my Health Class and lost hours of work over the next week from arguments about that, although that’s another blog. Even last week I got a phone call from one of my friends in Band who had just found out I was atheist, although I didn’t realize this. Here’s how the conversation went.

Me: Hello?
Friend: You going straight to Hell!!!
Me: What?
Friend: You atheist bastard!

This conversation kept going for a few minutes until he calmed down and I hung up. A couple things I want to point out. In this phone call he said that he was going to heaven and I was going to hell, because he knew God and went to church, while I don’t believe. This is well and good, and he can believe what he wants, but he said Bastard, dammit, and numerous other cuss words while claiming that he was a Christian in the same sentence. Somethings wrong here. Maybe I’m the only one that can see it because I am the only one that isn’t put under this, dare I say spell, called Christianity. It scares me sometimes. I’m going to show you how I see Christianity, and you can take it however you like.

This massive group of people believe the following as far as I can tell. A strange heavenly being has been here since before time, he is just there, and has created the Universe as we know it out of thin air. He then magically populated the Earth with Humans and created heaven and hell, for the bad people and the good people to go. He sends all people who don’t believe in Him to hell, and lets all that do enter heaven.

Now, I know that many of you are going to complain about how many things I missed and got wrong and such, but broken down and leaving out lots of stuff, this is how Christians see life. I’m sorry, but it looks like the general masses have been living in fear since the beginning of time, because they are afraid of being sent to Hell, so they pray for this God, because he has a supposed power over us, and can keep them from going to hell. Better yet, he can send you to heaven, so you can see all the good believers you once knew again, and live happily ever after. Again, something seems wrong here.

I have explained as best I know how I view Christianity, and why I don’t believe. I also want to clear a few things up.

First, I am agnostic, meaning I believe there may be a God, I am just unsure. I take this stance because I feel that Christianity has no solid evidence for God, and I have no evidence against it. I would be no different than Christians if I was an Atheist. So I remain Agnostic, until I see something that changes that.

Second, I do not hate Christians, nor hate God. I feel that some people think I hate God and/or worship the Devil. I just don’t believe in God, or the Devil for that matter.

Third, I dislike being Agnostic. I don’t it, because it gives me the challenge every day of explaining myself to all the other people, and it helps me meet people. But I would absolutely love to be a part of the masses, to beleive in something I can’t see, to feel this warmth inside and know when I die, I will go somewhere better. I think it would be the greatest feeling anyone could ever feel, but sadly, I can’t feel this way without some kind of proof, and hopefully something will change that. It would be so nice. Soooo nice.

So, there you have the story of an Agnostic. Growing up in this part of the country is pretty hard as an agnostic, but I think I’ll make it through, especially after writing this. Leave comments or whatever you please, and please, tell you friends to read this, it might do them some good.

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11 Comments

  1. nerdiah said,

    Just read your blog and I found it pretty mind-blowing. I mean, I knew the Americans in the South were really religious, but the idea that an entire class would be gobsmacked by someone being an atheist or agnostic is pretty foreign to me. And that someone would ring you up and randomly abuse you for being a Christian — who’s he trying to convince, you or himself? If he was trying to show you the error of your ways and re-save your soul, wouldn’t he know that honey catches more flies than vinegar?

    I have some questions I’m curious about. Was it one of those private Christian schools? Perhaps that would explain why everyone was so shocked. Also, I’m assuming you were in the last year of high school to be doing college prep– that’s about 17 years old over there, right? So what made you change your mind so early? Most Christian kids don’t really figure it out until college, or that’s my impression anyway. Also, are your parents Christian and did they totally freak?

  2. Bunc said,

    I wrote a post ( link in my name) a while back where I specualted that it would be very hard for people in some parts of the US to 2come out” as an atheist or agnostic. rwading your post confirms me in this view and the fact that folk like yourself who do decide to stand up and be cunted are braver than the likes of me who encountered relatively little hostility. I did get some becuase I came out as an atheist while I was attending a Catholic Grammar school here in the UK.. I was taught by priests and you can imagine how hard they found it to deal with. What I didnt get was any rejection from friends etc though.
    Best wishes with your journey.

  3. Bunc said,

    Please excuse the terrible spelling in my last comment – I should have checked it more carefully.

  4. Ryan said,

    You live in Southern Alabama? What a coincidence, I live in Tallassee (45 minutes North of Montgomery). You should drop by my blog sometime, I debunk creationism/intelligent design;

    http://aigbusted.blogspot.com

    -Ryan

  5. veritas said,

    ..ok. You’re definitely a christian.. it’s great you got the attention and I think you’re smart to enough to figure out the Da Vinci Code is a work of fiction. I know that whatever happens in your life God is with you and one day something miraculous will happen in your life and you will acknowledge Him again. Peace.

    • vhdblood said,

      What? I’m a christian? I think I know damn well what I am. What makes you think I’m a christian?

      Also, I never said the Da Vinci Code wasn’t fiction. I read it because I enjoyed the book, but everyone in my health class automatically assumed I was reading it like a bible, and taking everything truthfully.

  6. veritas said,

    Ok that was a pretty lame comment by me. Well just by the way you write, I can see there is still guidance in your life, wierd as this may sound but I can smell your angel even from here, quite a strong one mind you.. I can see that this is all a good thing and that oneday all this discovery you’re doing at the moment will be for a greater purpose. Oh I see, the Da Vinci Code is a good book, you must live in that bible belt area as you say. Just keep doing what you need to do but just don’t ever slip to the point of harming yourself hey because you may reach a point of thinking where you’re like oh my gosh who am I? What is the point of living? etc. etc. I’m sure you get my drift. Take Care. Cheers.

    • vhdblood said,

      I somewhat understand what you’re saying, but as for hurting myself? You’re quick to think any non-religious person can’t go on in life without guidance from someone other than himself. I don’t need a mystical man in the sky to pray to, because I am strong enough to get through the day by myself. You probably are too, but you will never know that until you give up the farce that is religion. Open your eyes and look around you. Just because everything in the world is complex doesn’t mean there is a creator. Also, I don’t know how closely you follow the bible’s word, but it says that the Earth is 5000 or so years old, and if you can’t tell that that is ridiculous, then I don’t know if there is hope for you at all. I could go on, but that last thing I’ll say is that even the virgin birth was a mistranslation, and it was taken out of context in the original sentence, not to mention that I would say that that’s a pretty important thing, but it’s only mentioned in two of the gospels.

      Try thinking for once, and maybe you’ll see where I’m coming from.

      Edit – Also, don’t bring up the fact that God made it look like the Earth was millions of years old as a challenge for Christians please, because I’ve heard that entirely too much.

  7. sam said,

    i can relate to you alot. i go to a “christian based” private school in georgia and im pretty sure im the only atheist there. the teachers and administrators treat me like scum. they tell other students parents i am a bad influence. ive learned to just shut my mouth because in their minds they are right and everyone else is a fool. if i state my opinion on something touchy the teacher and students will try to make me feel like i am wrong for feeling that way. they all claim to be such good christian people but all that i see is people that will talk behind my back and teach hate for anyone different from them.

  8. Marie said,

    VHDBlood, I can relate to a lot of what you’ve expressed here. I grew up in Nashville–the “buckle of the Bible belt”, and never believed in God because I was not brought up that way. I cried because I so desperately wanted to believe that there was a great being watching me and that if I were good then I would go to heaven when I died. I cried because I couldn’t. My classmates would either try to save me, or ostracize me.

    In middle school we had to say the Pledge of Allegiance every morning, and I wouldn’t stand up and remained silent.

    I had to face the awkwardness of the recurring question: “What church do you go to?”

    I felt like an outsider in my own hometown.

    Some people view identifying oneself as an atheist or agnostic as belligerent. I don’t tell people about my beliefs unless they ask, and even then I am uncomfortable. I feel like I am “in the closet”, in the South.

    Thank you for your blog.

  9. Glenn Dixon said,

    Right when you think you’ve heard it all, then some wingnut comes up with something that doesn’t seem possible for a member of the human race! I swear, I’m going to use this one all the time now…

    ” Well just by the way you write, I can see there is still guidance in your life, wierd as this may sound but I can smell your angel even from here, quite a strong one mind you.”

    LOLOL – oh man – that is insanely awesome!

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